This above all: to thine own self be true. - ShakespeareCall me Vivienne.
I'm forty-something years old. I'm a heterosexual male crossdresser, peeping out of the closet. I'm also an academic, with a strong science background (but I read widely in all sorts of things), and I work in a large institution. I have kids, and I live in the suburbs, where my life is pretty ordinary.
So foremost, this blog is about me making some sense of crossdressing. It's about resolving the dichotomy between the intellectual part of me, which recognises that crossdressing is (let's face it) a bit weird, and the emotional part of me, which loves the sensual pleasures of soft fabrics, perfumes and cosmetics.
Secondly, it's a way for me to explore the issues around crossdressing in a scholarly way. I've read a lot about crossdressing as a form of expression, and I am not sure I wholly agree with all of it. I hope to include some points for discussion in this blog. The third purpose of this blog is to open a conversation: for me the most painful thing about being a closeted crossdresser is not being unable to do it, it's being unable to talk about it.
You won't find fantasy or erotica on this blog. Equally, you won't find criticism or opprobrium, whatever your perspective. Each of us is doing what we need to get by. What you will find is my own opinions and insights, and I hope these will be delivered with honesty and openness. I hope you will feel welcome to add your own! This blog is a work in progress; Vivienne's journey continues, which means that some of the things I have previously written about are no longer quite applicable. Rather than edit the past, I think it's reasonable to leave those articles untouched, as a record of where I have come from.
Bluestocking" to refer to an intellectual or academic woman. See this post for more about Bluestockings in general and this title in particular.
2012 was an astonishing year of discovery for me. I put down all of my findings and discoveries about crossdressing in a single blog post. I suppose it's my personal FAQs. If you want to know where I am with respect to crossdressing, and its place in my life, start here, (though it's already a little out of date) and for my top 10 posts by their hit count, go here.
2015 was the year I started to tell my close friends and family about Vivienne, and so far their reaction has been amazingly positive and supportive. To everyone: I cannot express how much your acceptance means to me, and I love you all.
2016 was the year I made it out, in public, in daylight, for the first time as Vivienne. I don't know exactly what the future will hold, but I am reasonably certain that when I am an old woman, I shall wear purple. I might even end up looking like one of my heroines, the incomparable Dr. Evadne Hinge. But 2016 was also the year my marriage finally ended, after years of trouble, and you can find my discussion of that here.
If you want to send me email, you can do so at firstname.lastname@example.org , or you can find me on Facebook.
The material in this blog is my own work (except where attributed). You are not free to copy or circulate my work, unless you explicitly attribute the work to me and include a link to this website.